Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
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