i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
I accidently sent a dick pic to the group chat with her family. Right after they all said it was a pleasure having me for dinner. Wana drink with me?
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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