dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
they need to just BURY HIM!
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
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