it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
He jerked off some dude with a slice of Wonder Bread.
The sports guy?
Yeah. They claimed the bread made it hetero
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