OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
I was screaming out for people to gather the townsmen and the mayor so we could hang him
Who wrote "the chamber of secrets has been open, enemies of the heir beware" across my bathroom wall?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
