the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Randomize
