Pregnant stripper...not hot.
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
So mom called me from the hospital laughing her ass off. Apparently my sister is allergic to cocaine...
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize
