Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
I'm driving to work with an ice pack on my vagina. how was your weekend?
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
