dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
Randomize
