I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Hey he's not bad, although he did have a glass eye
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I'm cooling my balls with a beer because I'm too cheap to turn on the AC
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
After this weekend, all I can think about is bald eagles flying in front of fireworks and giving birth to fucking uncle sam. Also, beer.
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
