I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
Randomize
