i actually looked down at my cock today and said "whoa buddy, you need a haircut....(grimace) and a shower"
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
