it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
