OMFG BINX FROM HOCUS POCUS IS MCGEE IN NCIS!!!!!!!! most. epic. realization. ever.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
