I heard we made out
I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
We boned on a bench in a park, french people were walking by cheering us on. Totally acceptable
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
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