I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
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