Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
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