I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
