So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
