He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I have an interview tomorrow and listed you as a reference. If they call you, please don't tell them about the time I smuggled a Chalupa out of Taco Bell in my underwear.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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