upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I saw him on the jumbotron, its like god doesnt want me to forget his tiny penis
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
