Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
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