Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
