I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
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