mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Your level of morning after guilt is too much right now. Do less.
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
