The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
ok give me a pep talk, I want a hotdog but I'm too stoned to go make it
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
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