Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
My nonexistent future grandchildren will one day ask me when I knew I'd lost control of my life. And now I know.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
