Me. At least after what I've been through.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I'm just crazy horny about you
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
Randomize
