She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I need five more minutes of sobbing.. AND THEN I will get back to studying
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Dinner at 5, shrooms at 10.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
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