i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
I'm sitting on our balcony drunk. And in my underwear. Our relationship with our neighbors may improve.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
