Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
