they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
