I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
I just spend twenty minutes scrubing the "Happy Birthday" off of my vagina. He's never gonna forget this.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
