Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
I'm making celebratory pizza rolls. They're a lot like regular pizza rolls, but without the taste of shame.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
