Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
