All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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