Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I hope your lack of response means you're banging, not talking about her purity ring.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
