Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Randomize
