I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
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