Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Wednesday. Otherwise known, to you at least, as "there are two gay men in my bed" day.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
Ladystoner tip: if eyes are bloodshot, lime green eyeliner makes them appear less red. its basic artt.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
