How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
so let's talk penis.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
The guy I met last night said we had a real connection and gave me his AA coin because he met me during his relapse
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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