Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
My life has become a never ending game of 'illegal or just frowned upon?'
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
