His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Andddddd I'm drunk
Andddddd it's Tuesday
That's your opinion.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
Randomize
