did the walk of shame from ex-boyfriend's room only to find other ex-boyfriend sitting in the living room. some people shouldn't be allowed to be friends.
some people shouldn't be allowed to be desperate.
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Haha. Fifty shades ain't got shit on me. My tits look like they got in a fight.
when I die covered in cocaine, hookers, and tequila at 73 years old just remember that I once had a tweet with that many retweets
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Randomize
