I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
