break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
