When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
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