Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
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