i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
They are going to name an STD after you.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
as a side note pls kill me
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Randomize
