they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
When did angry sex become our thing?
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
Randomize
