how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
at what point did putting a bag of doritos in the freezer seem like a really good idea?
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Was expecting a sext from Kristi and then my mom randomly sent me a pic of her ugly Xmas sweater. Worst. Buzzkill. Ever.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
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