i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
My friend just ordered a beer and poured it on the floor in celebration of open bar night
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
