i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Also, I'm kinda hungover this morning and I need to wire money to my lawyer. So this is what adulthood feels like
How does one acquire holy water?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
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