I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
This is my gift to your gina
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Randomize
