She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
