i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
